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| Bill and I during his last days at the hospice center. So grateful I was able to be with him at the end of his life. |
This morning my X-10 remote controls stopped working. Whatever I did, they didn't work including trying brand new X-10 remote controls.
Bill installed all those X-10 remote controls. Those are old tech. Bill never got past the old electric technology. WIFI and the new tech escaped him.
I feel that Bill presence left Casa Tipton-Kelly (and yes, I am keeping the name!) last night. I have felt that since Bill passed on February 24th, his spirit was still hanging around me to make sure I was all right. I can admit now, there were a few days, especially right after Bill passed, that I did not want to continue. That's right, I wanted to join him. I missed him that much and just wanted this panic and pain of losing him to end. But I also knew that is not what he wished for me.
I think I said this before in one of my blog postings, but last month Bill had a "serious" talk with me. He said he "felt something different happening" and wanted me to know that he was glad that Pat was in my life and he wanted me to be happy. That was Bill, he always wanted me to be happy.
In this world of billions of people there are many great love stories. I feel so fortunate that Bill and I were one of those great love stories. I don't know if there is a God or angels but whatever, fate chose me to be the recipient of the love of this man for fifty-nine glorious years. But now it is time to move on. I feel Bill's spirit or soul feel's confident enough that I can manage the rest of my life without him. Of course he has a funny way of showing it, botching all those X-10 controllers. That's Bill's way of letting go. Maybe this rationale is all in my mind, who is to know. What I do know is that I had the greatest love that anyone could have for fifty-nine years of my life and now I am ready to move on.
I will remove most of the references to Bill on this blog. Not all of them but I don't want this blog to turn into a memorial for Bill. I will always remember him and the wonderful memories of our fantastic life together but it is time now to make new memories.
Note:
The photo at the beginning of this posting was one I took by a self timer on my iPhone when I was with Bill at the hospice center. I was reluctant to post it but decided to anyway. I am so appreciative that we could spend our last days together. Even though Bill was unconscious the three days he was at the hospice center, I feel he knew I was with him. That time with him I will never forget the rest of my life.