 |
| Bill and "Sparky" December 1980 |
This Saturday morning I finally realized why I feel bad every Saturday morning.
For the past six months, every time Saturday came around I just felt down. Didn't want to get out of bed.
I couldn't quite put my finger on why I felt so depressed. Now I know, Bill died early Saturday morning (12/30 AM on February 22nd, 2024). Now I know why however remaining Saturday's I have in my life will never be the same because my sub conscious reminds me of the greatest loss in my life, my Bill died.
In the almost six months since Bill died, I do have more days when Bill and is absence from our home, isn't constantly on my mind. Each day does get a little better but I know now I will never be the same the rest of my life. I love Pat and look forward to when we're married and he (perhaps) lives here at Casa Tipton-Kelly full-time but still, after living with someone for almost sixty years, and especially the last forty years where I took care of Bill, I feel like half of me is gone forever.
Bill and I not only loved one another we had a great symbiotic relationship. I took care of all the "outside stuff" while Bill took care of the house. When he started having problems at work, I encouraged him to take early retirement at fifty-five years of age and just stay home and take care of our house, which he did magnificently. Bill was an excellent handyman in addition to being an electrician by trade. And perhaps most important of all, he loved me unconditionally. A love that never wavered in the fifty-nine years we lived together. I miss that love, his love for me. Of course I will always love him even now that he is gone into the spiritual world. Oh yes, I do believe there is "life" after life. Bill's spirit didn't die. Are you kidding me? Bill's spirit was one of a kind, that kind of spirit lives forever. Perhaps Bill was my guardian angel come to life during his time on earth. What I do know is that he came into my adult life just as I was starting at twenty-two years of age. And he stayed for almost sixty years. I would have had no life without Bill and his love and support.
I do get some solace knowing that Bill's suffering is done now. I hope he is reunited with our five Pomeranian pooches, his parents, his favorite half brother Jimmy Brown and especially his love before he met me who he had to break up with because his mother found out about then, Charlie Brown. So many "Browns" in Bill's life, which is interesting. Bill's real father died at twenty-one years of age in an automobile accident when Bill was only a year old. His mother got married again to a Normal Brown. That's where the "Brown" came from in his family. Of course his step-father didn't like Bill and was physically abusive to him. That's why Bill quite school and left home to join the Army in 1946 while he was still a teenager.
Bill is in Heaven now. Not the man made Heaven fed to us by the religious dogma of the Christian church but the real Heaven that our spirits live in between our incarnations here on earth. I know Bill is happy now. And from reading up on the spirit world by a writer who does hypnotherapy, he probably isn't in pain from missing me as I am from missing him.
I've said it before and I'll say it again and again. I look forward to the day when my spirit is reunited with Bill, as I know it will be but for now I have a few more years (I hope) to live and I plan to be very happy with my best friend from Canada, Pat.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!