Do you? Of course you do. Who hasn't farted? If you said you didn't, you know you're lying. Hey folks, even Queen Elizabeth farts. Oh yes she does.
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I come from a long line of farters. Not that I fart, Heaven forfend……I am after all a proper gay man and as such I.DO.NOT.FART. Oh okay, I occasionally let out a gaseous build up (after ingesting several generous helpings of my famous homemade black bean soup) but my FARTS.DO.NOT.STINK. Just a wee release of gases that built up in my lower intestinal tract.
My dad and his brothers were major league farters in the Tipton family. "Pop" liked nothing better than to walk by me and my brothers and lift up his right leg and "let one go." That was one of the few times we would see a genuine smile on his face. After his special delivery, and as he would walk away he would chuckle and say "that one was especially for you."Neither I nor my brothers were happy to be stink bombed just as we were about to eat out dinner but that was Pop, always thinking of us. God forbid that he would do something like take us to a ballgame or fishing, but fart in our face? Oh he loved it! It was even worse when some of his ten brothers would visit. Each one would try to outdo the other in noise and stink. Uncle Henry was the best though. He had the comfortable confidence of a star farter, as he would slowly lift his leg and shoot one in our direction.
However, there was one time Uncle Henry's talent "backfired" on him. He was just getting ready to leave our house after a visit, and as he was climbing into his pickup truck he did the old Tipton Leg Lift and let one off. But this time Uncle Henry's gas pushed out a "bit" more than he intended. Yep, he pooped his pants. God did we all laugh at that one. Of course my father and the other Tipton brothers never let him forget Uncle Henry's "wet deposit."
So folks, just remember, sometimes overconfidence will cause you to poop your pants.
I come from a long line of farters. Not that I fart, Heaven forfend……I am after all a proper gay man and as such I.DO.NOT.FART. Oh okay, I occasionally let out a gaseous build up (after ingesting several generous helpings of my famous homemade black bean soup) but my FARTS.DO.NOT.STINK. Just a wee release of gases that built up in my lower intestinal tract.
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| Black bean soup - natural gas producer |
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| Uncle Henry, Primo Farter |
So folks, just remember, sometimes overconfidence will cause you to poop your pants.