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| Jack,, Ron and Elaine; the three oldest children of the three Hadfield Sisters ("The Hadfield Girls") |
Last Saturday night, while I was on my computer talking to Pat on FaceTime my landline rang. "What could this be?" I thought since it was too late for my daily robo call from Credit Card Services of America with my "last chance" to transfer my credit card balances (which I have NONE) and lock in my rates. Every day folks, I get that call and when I try to tell them to take me off their call list they hang up on my right away. The "Credit Card Services of America" is a scam which I'm afraid I will have to live with the rest of my life. They will never die. Unlike the phone call I received.
The call was from Arlene T., my cousin Jack's wife. She told me that Jack had died as a result of going into a coma after his open heart operation. He was on a ventilator but I know Jack and he wouldn't want to be kept alive this way. Arlene told me that they took him off the ventilator and he died. Jack was only 76 years old.
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| Cousin Jack (I will miss you) - 2005 |
Jack was the oldest son of my Mother's sister, and my Aunt Grace. I liked Jack. Jack dying was yet another reminder of my mortality.
A few years back Randy R. died. He was also my first cousin and the son of my Mother's other sister, my Aunt Jeanette. I liked Randy. He died in his sleep.
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| Cousin Randy (I will miss you Randy) - 2005 |
Ten years ago I took my Mother to visit her sister Jeanette who was in the dementia unit of Simpson Meadows in Downingtown. At that time we had a mini Hadfield (my mother's maiden name) reunion. The occasion was the funeral of my Uncle George, husband of my Aunt Jeanette. Little did I know but this was the last time the "Hadfield Girls" (as my cousin Jack liked to call them) got together.
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| (from left to right - Mrs. Brookover (my friend's mother); my Mom, my Aunt Jeanette and my Aunt Grace - 2005 All gone now |
I have two sides to my family. My father, a purebred hillbilly (oh yes, hillbillies exist) from the mountains of western North Carolina. And then my Mother and her Quaker roots. My Mother's family was very poor, but of a genteel class. I attribute my mixed up personality to these two, almost totally opposite roots. Hillbilly and Quaker, picture that in your mind.
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| My Mom and my maternal Aunts Jeanette and Grace - the three best aunts this gay boy could have - 2005 at the Simpson Meadows home - my Aunt Jeanette had severe dementia but she knew my Mother |
So anyway folks, what's the point of this post? Just another sad marker in the limited time I have left on this earth and that I intend to make the full use of that time.
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| My Mother and maternal aunts with their three oldest children standing behind them - Jack's wife Arlene is to the far right - 2005 |
Yesterday Bill and I visited an old friend of ours, Bart R. No last last because Bart is still in the closet if you can believe that. Bart is 93 years old now. Bart moved down here to Delaware because of the low taxes and to be near Jim and Bob, who were much younger than Bart. Bob died last year and Jim is in assisted care. Jim doesn't even remember what he had for lunch yesterday (Bart relayed this information to us). Thank goodness Bart still lives in his own home. He is fortunate that he has a good neighbor that looks in on him and makes sure everything this all right.
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| Bart at his home yesterday with Bill - Bart fell and broke his hip earlier this year (about the same time I fell and tore up my left leg) |
Not to dwell on this subject but lately I've been thinking of all my friends and relatives who have died in the last five years and it sometimes becomes overwhelming. I try not to think about this too much lest I sink into a depression. As I have mentioned so often before in this blog, I do not fear death. To the contrary, in a way I look forward to it because I do know it will be an Eternal Rest. The only thing I fear is how I get there. I don't want a prolonged, painful and humiliating death in which I am dependent on someone to go on existing. Governor Brown in California signed a right to die bill which gives me even more impetus to eventually move to California while my two legs can get me around.
Bart is fortunate that he has a neighbor to look in on him. I fear that if and when Bill goes before I do (he just turned 87 but is in fine health), I will be alone, totally alone. I have my friend Pat but he is in Toronto. I have no one else. I am estranged from my two brothers (because I dared to get legally married) and their families and I wouldn't want their help anyway. Why would I want to put my burden on their families? They have their own lives to live.
Well, anyway. These are the thoughts that occasionally are going through my mind while I play online Scrabble, or plant spring bulbs outside. I remember when Audrey Hepburn was informed that she had only so long to live. She went outside and planted spring bulbs (much like the Bette Davis character did in "Dark Victory"), knowing she would never see them.
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| Geraldine Fitzgerald and Bette Davis in "Dark Victory" - the scene in which Bette's character realizes that she will die soon because she feels the heat from the sun on her hands as she is planting the bulbs but she realizes her sight is gone which was when the doctor told her she would die |
Yep, that's me folks. The Drama Queen thinking the same thing while I'm planting my spring bulbs this year.
Today is a beautiful autumn day. I think I'll take Bill for a ride up to the Primehook Nature Reserve later today. Each day folks, I plan to make the most of it because I never know when I no longer will be able to do that. When I injured my leg this year and couldn't get around for weeks, that was a preview what my life would be like if I feel and broke my hip and was dependent on others just to live. Thank goodness Bill was here to take care of me and I didn't have to go into a rehab center for those eight weeks it took me to walk.
I'm rambling folks.
Have a great day!