How about that for an attention getting title of a blog post? Can't help yourself can you? You HAVE to read on.
By the way, this is one post that's going to cause conniptions of those of my family and (former) friends who have tried (without much success) to censor my blog postings. You know what they say, "adult content, if you're uncomfortable move on to the next blog."
Now are you ready? Fasten your seat belts and let's explore "The Life and Times of the Penis."
Actually folks, this is the title of a book by Thomas Hickman. A book which I am ordering today from Amazon.com. One can never know enough about the penis, especially in our Puritan infused culture which insures hypocrisy in talking about anything sexual as BAD. Folks, it isn't bad. We're all human and anatomy and sex is part of the human condition. If it wasn't then we wouldn't be here. So get over your hang ups, okay?
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| Caught jerking off |
The following is a synopsis of the book from Amazon's website:
"It’s not the size of God’s Doodle that matters; it’s the inside that counts. The macabre and the bloodcurdling, the funny and the sad, distilled from myth, world cultures, religion, literature, science, medicine and contemporary life; when it comes to the penis everyone’s a critic. “When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground.”–Yiddish Proverb
Throughout history, man has revered his penis as his “most precious ornament.” From small to large, thick to thin, smooth to wrinkled, Hickman lets the history of this mystery hangout for all to see. It is a stiff subject, but we easily settle in with the likes of Bill Clinton, Michelangelo’s David,
and Shakespeare as they followed their heads. With precious detail given to precious material, if you were to wrap your hands around anything less than two-inches, it should be God’s Doodle, a brilliant history of the penis that hits the topic right on the head. It reaches through time and looks at how the penis trended long before one was ever posted on Twitter.
You will be impotent with both laughter and information as you read “’…subtly, unhurriedly and mercilessly’ (Alex Comfort The Joy of Sex),” as Hickman discusses ancient literatures and mathematical quandaries of possible positions, such as Greece’s “the lion on the cheese-grater,” which still keeps scholars from being cocksure about the potential."
My personal history of the penis starts with my family. Up until the time I entered seventh grade in high school the only penis's I saw were my two younger brothers and my father (who was frequently naked or in his loose jockey type underwear around the house). The only other penis I saw in person was my few years older cousin (observed while changing swim suits).
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| The Kona "Whitey Tighty Run" |
My brothers and I are all circumcised and I assumed all males were. When I saw my cousin I thought he had a deformed penis, with that long "wand" at the end. It wasn't until many years later that I knew that was foreskin and he was uncircumcised. In fact, since this was the Fifties I didn't even know the word circumcised. I thought all men (and boys) were "normal."
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| Glinda (Billie Burke), the Good Witch of the East with her "wand" - only witched and fairy god mothers should have "wands" |
My next big (no pun intended) "discovery" was entering 7th grade in high school and subject to "taking the showers" after gym class. Like most other 12 year old boys of my generation, I was terrified of going naked. I remember our gym teacher gathering us all together before our first gym period and telling us "I know many of you are afraid of getting undressed and taking showers. Let me assure you they all LOOK the same." Well folks, this was the first BIG LIE of my entry to the forefront of adulthood. Again, no pun intended.
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The first shower? Oh God, everyone was DIFFERENT. I was on overload. Being a young gay man (which I didn't even know that word "gay" even, I just knew I was "different" and, yes, fascinated with the penis). Well folks, I found out that I wasn't fascinated with ALL penises. In fact I could just as well passed on that Parade of Penises every gym class. Oh sure, there were a few "normal" ones, but most penises I saw were misshapen, discolored or too small. Oh yes, I am being very subjective which I make no apologies.
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| Channing Tatum - Actor |
Again, growing up in a family where we were "normal" (size, color, shape and circumcised), anything that varied from that "norm", repealed me. Harsh? Yes, but that's me.
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| Ryan Gosling and Steve Carrell (the head) from the movie "Crazy, Stupid, Love." |
So that was high school. The next big (again, no pun intended) exposure to penises came when I was in the Army. Now we're talking serious business folks. These were adult, fully, matured penises. Not that I looked all that much (well, some) but I was worried that if I did I would become aroused and how would I explain THAT. For you straight guys, imagine taking a shower with a bunch of naked women. That's how my three years in the Army was. I always tried to take a shower when my Army buddies were somewhere else. Mostly I succeeded, sometimes not and those were trying times folks.
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Well, anyway folks I'm starting to ramble here. Last night will perusing Amazon to order more books I came across this one and it looked like fun so I'm gonna order it. By the way, an interesting fact about circumcision, according to this book do you know why circumcision became more widespread in the last century? Not because of the Jewish religion but because of the lingering influence of the Victorian culture thought that by circumcising young boys, the practice of masturbation would be eliminated. Oh those Victorians, always on the lookout for stop that nasty sex (even though Queen Victoria had……how many children)?
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| The Old Queen |
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